I'm OKAY.

My condition :
- ngantuk (kemaren tidur malem & dibangunin sbelum jam bangun)
- bete (tiduk gak cukup)
- 1/2 hati (gara2 bete)
- gondok (karena janji-janji dan buai-buai angin surga seseorang)
- pegel-pegel (karena bis nge-gym kemaren)
- males gerak (pegel2, 1/2 ati, dan gondok)
- pengen jalan-jalan (the only holydae si minggu)
- bosan (gak ada apa-apa dikota ini ... jiah)
- lapar (sudah jamnya makan, naga dalam perut sudah mengetuk dinding perut)

My action :

- dressed up, and preparing for lunch wif friends.

My imagination :

- someone hug me and says : " No you are not okay." (Woahh ... So Sweet)

Unease

I had a dream last night . .I don't remember the detail 'coz my sleep got disturbed by the dog barks at the early morning

The dog barks continuously when it feels other people presence. It disturbed me and makes me mad. *huf*

Back to the topic, In that dream feels like I failed an event, and I it is really makes me feels bad. Plus, today bad sleep makes me feels more unease.

使不得、不拾得

在我心裡，好幾種感覺在裡面繞著呀繞著。到底是為什麼，是環境嗎？還是我自己不夠好。我哪裡不夠好？我哪裡做不夠？

其實自己都知道，是環境因素刺激了問題的出現，但是因素是因為自己不好，是替自己找理由。我的理由，我無能為力阿！老天怎麼這樣對我？！這是老天還愛惜這我，要我成長吧。成長了問題就可以解決了。就如RPG游錫，魔王打不贏在去練功！練功了、升級了、多了幾個新招術，再去和魔王挑戰。

這時候該靜下來、磨練自己的時候了。

古人常說事情順利要看「天時、地利、人和」。
沒人和，事情自然辦不到，要不然所有的事情要靠自己跑腿嗎。
沒地利，不成問題啦，可以動動腦使得地件利條有所變動。
沒天時，唉唷，這就是要看命啦！有力有錢有人，老天不允許就是不行！

我們怎麼容易辦到，就捨得就這麼一年嗎？！

使不得呀、不拾得呀。不得而失、拾得而得？

A friend's Letter : "The Forgiveness"

Hi xxx, thanks for the feedback before, for what I must do, I must consider, and the effect. Thankyou very much for your concern.

Last time I asked him, and ask about the answer. He said he got my point, but I don't think he really got it, or maybe I just don't know him well? Whatever. He said since we are broke up, and I'm noone to him, so he can only say that he is sorry. Still the same, it's always the sorry sorry and sorry again. He don't get my point or he won't fullfiled my last request.

Since I saw he is really really mean it (I mean really felt sorry), and it's happens nothing can fixed it except I had the time machine like the Doraemon does. Can be said i'd gave him my forgiveness and accept everything. But I'm still mad at him, I just need time to saw that he is really really sorry and wants me as his friend (it's all about the generousity about being a friend). I wants to believe, but this time not that easy! I made a small request, really simple ; let it be the last request from me which made him feels a little bit too much, maybe a little bit too far for him ,I considered it's only I and him it won't be a big problems. It's the last request to make me feels that he is really generous and he'd done it for his friend. I'd make it equals to the forgiveness that I gave him. I tested him, he answered no.

Suddenly many sounds flies to my head :" Are you really worth to be kept as friend? Why I kept you all this time? What for? Are you really wants me as your friend? or you just wants your freedom? I wants to be free too! I want all of this being solved too! Though I'm the game and you are the player, how to play it's all yours. I learned not to judged. But I just felt like that, I don't believed that easy, because peoples easily turns away when they got what they want. I really hates that.

I got mad, and I deleted his messenger. You cornering me, and you won't yield even half a step. You don't deserved to be my friend. He cut the other connection to me, and also cut his partner's connection to me. Whatever, I don't care anymore.

That time I've decided to choose that simple way which many peoples done. I just done it late. You and me are stranger now. No more "I considered you as my best friend"! Best friend become friend, and friend become just a friend! No more! And I dumped it all!

Before, I said that I happy for his partner, And I can't said that i'm not happy for him but when i gave my forgiveness it's all means that I'd followed his request: "I hope you will happy for me". But then, I just gave half of my forgiveness, and the another half will depends on himself! I said :"Don't you ever done it again to another people, be generous, be honest! I hope this thing only happens to me. Remember this, if you done it again you'll get the punshment! And ... I said the thing I really don't want to said before. I just ... I don't want to curse you or whatever bad to you, but I don't have another choice. You don't even yield for me, I added you as the one whom I don't wanna to care anymore.

From now on You and me are nothing at all, we are stranger.

Still this time are the last but not least, hax3 I'll wrote to you again my friend. Thanks for hearing me all this time, and I know you'll keep caring for me.

Best regards,
your troublesome friend.

A friend's Letter : "The Promise" (PART III)

PART III:

Did you ever been fooled before? Do you know what is the feelings? Being fooled are past tense, how to believe are present tense, and do I can believe him are future tense.

I'm still the same like the old days, I do wants to believe. But ... there's doubts in my heart. I am the one that hurts. And I am the loser. Chinese peoples says 天下無白吃的午餐 (there wouldn't be a free lunch, means everything that you do would have the fruit in return). Is it really true?

I used to believed that phrases, but now ... .

[01:26]
Maybe I should ... . But I want says that : Just say sorry won't fix anything, but do something does fix things. So what do you say?

FIN

A friend's Letter : "The Promise" (PART II)

PART II:

i've thinking ... no I feel that. It's hurt inside, feels like burned ... . A little bit too much i think... Rampanging into my mind, and wasting the time to think think and think ... .

Actually I wants a second chances, he didn't gave it. Using those words makes me can do nothing to ... (forget it), but somehow the heart still kept a room - though it's been an empty, dusty, and already sealed- I really don't deserved for the second chances? Am I an annyoing fly so that he used the "joker card" to makes me go away? He says sorry to me, I know everyone just an ordinary human that can broke the promises. But I also human, no extraordinary.

It's easy to accept the words that you are sorry, but it's just not that easy to forgive like turning the hand upside down. I do not want to had a revenge, but I also not a saint, human heart had desire to revenge. But ... I hurt him and he hurt me back, he hurt me and I do the same, that would be an endless karma circle.

I don't want your sorry 單單對不起一句話，是無法解決事情, I don't want to tied you 我綁不了你, I just want something equal for the uncureable scar 我要你對我誠懇、足夠來摺我傷痕.Chinese says 以牙還牙 (tooth for tooth), but I do not want teeth, I wants a heart for heart. That's my condition for you, the decision is yours.

I do not want to be 最熟悉的陌生人 to you. And all this time you are the 最熟悉的陌生人. As if I had done something wrong to you, and i even not allowed talked to you when you aren't in mood.

... to be continued.
PART III

A friend's Letter : "The Promise" (PART I)

A friend's letter
PART I:

Dear my friend, sorry I suddenly wrote a letter to you after years that I haven't mailed you one, I thought last time are really the last, looks like it become at last but not least. It's been a while that I don't dream about him, but yesterday night I dreamt of him. I don't clearly remember the dream, but looks like about a marriage? Old age? Whatever, I forgot. Today, on my way to works I got news from him that he is already been with another people. Suddenly my heart got burned, feels sullen.

Arrived to the office, got this problem taken to the office and bunch of works needs me to solved for. What a perfect day!

In fact I already aware that this day would happens. And that promises he said, my rational thought says that it is rather difficult to be kept. I asked him to make sure about that, and he gave me a confident statement. I don't belived it, but since he was sure and another me do wants to believe, so he and the emotional one succeed to convinced me to believed it (and now It's already been a torn promise).

I have got several thing flying inside-outside of my minds, about the solution, about the condition, about everything. But this is not easy to going through. I ... I want to run. Just for a while, cooling down and reducing this hurt.

... to be continued.
PART II

Kedutan~oh kedutan.

Dah beberapa hari ini, mata ane *dat-dut-dat-dut* mulu. Udah kaya mobil mo mogok gak jadi mogok eh mogok eh gak jadi. Persisnya di kiri bawah, setelah googling katanya : bakal mengalami kesedihan.

Pasal ramalan ini, gw jadi sdikit gelisah. Gak tau biasa gua gak begitu percaya, tapi ini kedutan dah berlangsung 3harian (seinget gua) dan sekarang juga masih "joged2"... . Siang tadi jadi mimpi buruk, keringetan bangunnya (emang gak pake AC seh), dan masih teringat di kepala gua bayangan mimpi tadi.

Mau percaya gak percaya, tapi kadang ramalan bener, kadang ngaco. Gak ngarti juga deh, tapi semoga gak terjadi sesuatu yang berarti deh. I Pray to you, GOD. apa yang menjadi kehendak-Mu terjadilah.

The ELEMENTS

I counted , one two three four ... all of them are about the same thing. And let this be the fifth one (Again?!).
Haha. Today is the fifth day, the fifth day i got FEVER! I've consulted with the doctor and already take her prescription, but looks like the healing progress walks slowly.

The day before, there's so many problem. I have thinking, and i felt all of those problems were not FAIR, but this is life WELCOME to THE SOCIETY. Problems runs on its own path, if you can't controlled it, I'll run off from the defaults path.

My dad often said:
1. "There's not exist a free lunch". It means whatever you do, whatever you got, it is certain had something in return. 就是人們說的「 沒有白吃的午餐」。
2. "Boat arrived to the harbor, will be straight on its own". Means whatever you do, you'll find the way on your own. 「船到橋頭自然直」。

side story:
Peoples called it LOVE. Peoples keeps looking for it. Some peoples got HAPPINESS, some peoples got HATRED, some peoples got BLINDED, some peoples DON'T KNOW what it is. What is the most popular music? What is your life purpose? This is one of life element and had big affliction on peoples life.

LOVE is bound, Two peoples being bound by one feeling. You hurt the another one, you also get those wound.

HURT yourself, you'll wounds yourself. You makes others happy, then you also will be happy. That's the CHEMISTRY.
HURT other, you also got the wounds.
When it's not on the same tracks, you'll get those feeling wrecked into two different direction. Wreck means divide, and divided must be HURT.

Two OPTION MUST be decided:
1.Hurt yourself, or
2.Hurt the others.
You know the consequences, you'll be the one who got those wounds and hurt.


Another side story:
POWER. It's just like the water, water drops were weightless. But not for a big barrel ofwater. And watched for those floods in this february. Small water , small power, big water, big power.

To be continued.

左右為難 - A dilemma

看著，讓我受了傷。
不看，心裡又不安。
離開，也使我受傷。
不離開，有前途嗎？

默默的離開，感覺不公平，想要有個好戲來報復。
狠狠的離開，心裡爽了點，但最後受傷的是自己。
全天下的人都有經過嗎？哪個是佳雙贏解決方案？
全天下的人如何處理呢？難道有雙贏解決方案嗎？

沉澱下去？　　　　　　　（會溺斃吧）
不如一刀兩斷？　　　　　　（會痛嗎）
長痛不如短痛？（笨蛋願意痛一輩子吧）
默默地離開？ 　　　（心裡無謂無憾嗎）

受了傷無法改變，讓傷口「痊癒」吧！
不要再一刀一刀地在心裡寫「心疼」！
因為一直流著血不治就會「要人命」！
大聲喊發洩心裡內的一顆「大石頭」！

有位友人曾對我說過：你的生活看來都很輕鬆愉快。
每個人的生活上都有各種不同問題，你說輕我說重。
你說天天快樂我卻不以為然，你無法判決我的生活。
人人尋找屬於自己的生活方式，你我已無互利互克。

回到零缺點，無實質關係。
不敢太相信，免得受傷害。

Stupid words

Felt like got burned inside .Is it afraid to lose? is it anger? is it envy? is it love? is it unsatisfy? is it some other things? It's just a transition time. Flowers bloom beautifully on the the right hands. It want them, they knows how to grew it. There's no place for me.
So what is the point? Being nice to me?Makes me hoping, but the hope itself won't come true.Is it me? or the situation? Which one to blame. How to extinguished the fire? Feel like I'm powerless. Let the time do it? It will run out of it's gas and extinguished by it self? Yes, if no one added the gas. Yes, stupid one! TOLD HIM NOT TO ADD THE GAS! That is the best way. Extinct the fire, eliminated the fire source.


By the way ... what I am talking about ... like a fool in the middle of the road, peoples keeps walking and you stunned there, looking through the Shop windows and focused on the toys inside. You are grown up man! Not a boy anymore. And WON'T typing those stupid words again. No align, No point, No structure and No Object.

You are the most important! Don't bother, just think for yourself, and happiness is in your hands.
Mama Lauren says : " I seen BRIGHT light in your future!". BELIEVE IT OR NOT. LoL

ps: Mama Lauren = A psychic , peoples believed that her prophecy are accurate. (DO YOU?)

A story: A forgotten lot.

Once upon a time, there is an empty lot , colourful flowers and various plants used to be grown there.

One day something happens there and wiped out those beautiful plants. The stupid owner let it gone, once and forever. All this day he don't feels any better with those empty lot, he tried to plant it again, he plant the seeds, he watered the seed, and he also gave it the fertilizer.

He expect and hoping that they might and will grown green like the day before. Time passed, day to day, month to month. But there's no sign the weed grown into green trees, so he checked it out. He dig the soil and starting to collect those died seed one by one. He knows that the soil are not fertilize anymore, but from many of those seeds, several of them should be grown into weeds. In fact it never grown.

He thinks that lot still had the soil and of course the soil can makes the seeds grown. He thought it must be the seeds, he must be bought bad seeds and changes the new seeds to be plant into. On the third chances he also failed. All the seeds won't grown too. He also starting to collect it, and he also thinking to discard those withered seed.

If the seeds was not the problem, then it must be the soil. If it isn'tthe soil so what is the problem. And there is no answer yet. He always like those lot like the day before, but he also tired of planting those seeds. If those lot doesn't give him any others advantaged, what is the meaning to keeps those lot? Why don't He sold it out, buy another one, and decided to sealed those fabulous old memories into the tiny treasure box.

How about that old lot? Others may take it and wants to plant something beautiful into it. The plant maybe grow and maybe not, but in the past that lot told him that he may plant something there, they will grow but no flowers sprout, It won't comming out because the lot doesn't afford to grow anymore flowers . He hope that one of those seeds left by him may sprout and grown the flower. But it is really tiring ... hoping for nothing.

Orange Polo

God gave it
God made it happen by chance
God also makes us meet
Chinese people often says : 有緣才會相見。一切是上帝決定。

Looks like it's a chrismas present from God.

[Cun2]

Let the past be.

Changes  the future. 

將錯就錯、破碎檢心、願許修復、間距何解。

修復破碎、將心檢回、打破間距、創尋盛機。

========================================

DON'T GET WHAT YOU SAID
KEEP THINKING, WHAT'S THE MEANING???
WORST THINKER. STUPID. DULL.

WANTS TO KNOW THE REAL MEANING
BECAUSE THAT STUPID ONE DON'T GET IT.

家- homme

泉源

無線流出清水

為人類共應無線水源

就如家為其員工應精神能量

是最終的堡壘、是全心全力支持我

永遠永遠地安撫我、保護我、著急著我

某人　　對我說一些建言，

安慰　　之話、關心之語 。

激勵、建議、批評等言語話。

讓我感到快樂、興奮、憤怒、傷心等。

那些真心話使得我感到溫馨之家的氣味。

Silent

Thoughts, Destiny, and Facts.
想法、世務、真情。
Is it Right? vice versa, False?
是對? 相反的 錯?

God Know.
天用天眼看。
not Human.
人用眼睛看。

Rak Haeng Siam

แด่...ทุกความรักที่สร้างเรา

to all the loves that bring us to life

剛褊自用

問：如何問問題？
答：有疑問時、不了解時就會提問題。

問：問你從來都不知道的問題，怎麼回答呢？
答：不知道。

問：你不知道？！怎麼不會提問！
答：... 。

這時候兩個人就互爭論，撤來撤去。

一個堅持說不知道　　、一個堅持說為何不問，
問者硬著頭皮指責答者、答者堅持自己無疏忽，

剛愎自任、師心自用、百辭莫辯、有口難說啊。

Apple of Eden - 伊甸園的蘋果

社會，有那麼現實嗎？
學校裡沒有教，乖學生要自體驗。
體驗後，再聽聽大家內心的心得。

真讓人憂鬱啊。有些人一直說要求公平、公平、還是要公平。
明明是同一件事，換來不同人來做就會有不同的反應及對待？

其實累了，平常回程上能稍微的睡，一路上感到很納悶，眼睛瞇了，心卻是在燃。
並沒有做什麼，卻被懷疑。似乎我要使詐，並蒙著他們的視野躲走他鼻前的寶物。
以為之前的過錯完全是因為自己太幼稚、不懂事，但事情之爆發總是有多種因素。

算了，離開的選擇是對的。
只不過薄薄的一張紙而已。

人的本性是善良的，錯於伊甸園裡的毒蛇。

夢裡【希望】

二OO五年十月三十日[23:45]
國立僑生大學先修班 50週年校慶慶

懷念以前在那裡唸書，每天唸書考試，大家都很拼命徵求自己的成就感。交了不少好朋友，今日機會難得有這個機會可以當校友回母校觀看學弟妹，看到從前的我。

活動結束了。林口，大家紛紛排隊買傳說中超級好吃的雞排、珍珠奶茶、廣東炒飯。回到家吃個飯，直接睡覺。

睡覺得好沉。睡中我夢到僑大升旗廣場某個攤位，我不知道他們在賣什麼東西，但是讓我印象深刻：他們所賣的東西擺在桌上，我不知道那是什麼東西，一刺一刺很靈活地跳躍。

我問：「你們這個在賣些什麼？」

　答：「這是希望。」

我突然醒來了，呆呆地想著剛才的夢，腦袋充滿著很多的想法。鬧鐘響了，該起床洗澡。

二OO八七月九日[20:45]
印象很深刻，答者之聲很特別，是沙啞高調聲。是我一前在僑大特別輔導班的班導老師；「龍思明」老師的聲音。老師真的叫我很多很多，謝謝你老師。Mempublikasikan Posting